What Happens Online

The words that turn women off online

1. Words that hint at your childish ways. John posted a profile that said “I’m a boy in a man’s body,” figuring his “cuteness” would entice a lady to love him (and also mother the little boy in him). However, he got no takers. Most grown-up women don’t fancy childish Peter Pan types. If you’re looking for a mother figure, try scoping out a playground — not a dating site.

2. Words that reveal how you objectify women. When Carl saw Lois online, he wrote her an email that said, “You are so beautiful, I’d like to drape you on my arm.” Lois replied with: “What? You have me confused with a sweater.” Carl defended himself, explaining that what he was trying to say “came out wrong” — but he didn’t attempt to explain what he did mean originally. Making a bad outreach attempt even worse, Carl said, “Let’s have dinner. Even if it doesn’t work out, I’ll still pay.” Now with this missive, Carl had attempted to buy himself some superficial love for the cheap price of a meal. Women don’t want to feel like an ornament to be displayed and fed, so naturally, Lois never responded.

3. Words that suggest you have a short fuse. Karen received an introductory message from Robert via an online dating site. After reading his profile, she thought he seemed nice but dull, so she didn’t reply — but Robert wouldn’t give up. He sent Karen another message, saying, “Hi, Blondie. I sent you a message. Still waiting to hear from you. Be a sport and answer back.” Karen gagged on this guy’s crass familiarity. “Blondie?” she thought, still ignoring him. Robert sent a third message — but this time, he extended his fangs: “What’s the matter, Blondie? Not good enough for you? You don’t know what you’re missing. At your age, you