The Best Relationship Advice EVER

Question

I have a phobia that when I am alone with a man I cannot eat in front of him – as I start having panic attacks.

When I am alone with men I get so nervous that I get sick. I have fallen recently for a guy but cannot go on a date with him because I keep on being sick. I get that nervous that now I am falling into depression I am so frightened of him. I can’t speak to him or anything.

Do I have a phobia of men? What is wrong with me? I have had this my whole life.

Answer

I am really sorry that you're having this trouble. It sounds to me as if you have quite a bad social phobia - and this is going to need treating. So my first task must be to urge you to go and talk to your GP about this as soon as possible.

I hope he or she will be able to refer you for counselling/therapy - preferably for cognitive behavioural therapy, as this is most effective for problems like this one.

However, while

Gender Inequality

Seriously, one of the more ridiculous pieces of advice I hear spun out to women with frightening regularity is “Play hard to get.” I’m certain you’ve heard these gems as well:

“Keep him guessing.”

“Don’t immediately return his call.”

“Be a mystery.”

Where does this stuff come from? I won’t claim to speak for every guy, but I’m confident in saying that I speak for the majority of guys when it comes to this topic. Well intentioned girlfriends, they’re great…they mean well…but they probably don’t know what they’re talking about. They – and by proxy you – have been bamboozled! Hoodwinked!

The whole, “playing hard to get” thing is archaic, 19th century nonsense slung around by prudish parents and the “Millionaire Matchmaker” Patti Stanger. This line of thinking certainly has its place …..in the 1800’s. 

Most reasonably grown men have no interest

Probably the most boring question you can ask about religion is whether or not the whole thing is "true." Unfortunately, recent public discussions on religion have focused obsessively on precisely this issue, with a hardcore group of fanatical believers pitting themselves against an equally small band of fanatical atheists.

I prefer a different tack. To my mind, of course, no part of religion is true in the sense of being God-given. It seems clear that there is no holy ghost, spirit, geist or divine emanation. The real issue is not whether God exists or not, but where one takes the argument to if one concludes he doesn't. I believe it must be possible to remain a committed atheist and nevertheless to find religions sporadically useful, interesting and consoling -- and be curious as to the possibilities of importing certain of their ideas and practices into the secular realm.

One can be left cold by the doctrines of the Christian Trinity and the Buddhist Fivefold Path and yet at the same time be interested in the ways in which religions deliver sermons, promote morality, engender a spirit of community, make use of art and architecture, inspire travels, train minds and encourage gratitude at the beauty of spring. In a world beset by fundamentalists of believing and secular varieties, it must be possible to balance a rejection of religious faith with a selective reverence for religious rituals and concepts.

TED.com: Karen Armstrong's wish for a charter of compassion

It is when we stop believing that religions have been handed down from above or else that they are entirely