Dear children, let us not love with words or tongu

Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth.
1 John 3: 18

"Love is a choice."

"Why drag a relationship out? Just commit!"

"People today wait too long to get married. They need to find someone in their early 20's and just tie the knot!"


As a single woman and in my role as Crosswalk's Family Editor, I've heard relationship advice like the statements above more times than I can count.


This kind of advice stems from a very real concern in Christian culture: young people today are waiting until their 30's to marry more than ever. This trend pulls an entire decade of adulthood away from family life and some serious issues have arisen as a result. Pastors, cultural analysts, and everyday well-meaning people have stepped in to say, "Enough! Make a commitment!"


I have a problem with this advice, though.


10 years ago, as a 19-year-old just stepping into adulthood, I sat in the passenger seat of my father's car while we drove home from a weekend conference. After mulling over the relationship advice given at the conference, I finally blurted out, "Dad, if love is just a choice, than why not just marry someone walking by on the street? They criticize us for analyzing our dates too much or having high expectations, but by what criteria are we to choose a spouse?"