Love, Romance & Dating

Love Or Control

What Would You Choose ?

In today's relationships what is often classed as love is nothing more than control. The desire to control another person and their behavior then becomes more important than it is to love and honor the other person.

The question is: what would make a person want to control another? If they truly loved them wouldn't they want them to be free and to do what was best for them?

Love

The love I am talking about here can be what one expresses to family and friends for example. Although it can be based on a sexual attraction to another person, it doesn't have to be. I would describe it as a respect for another's boundaries, needs and wants.

This involves honoring the other person as much as one would honor themselves and to recognize that they are separate.

Control

Control on the other hand is about using another person to fulfill ones needs.

Having other people fulfill ones needs is not dysfunctional per se; it is part of life. What is dysfunctional is having another person fulfill ones needs in a way that compromises the other person and goes against their wishes.

This means that the other person is not in agreement with what is happening and they are being taken advantage of. The other person is then being abused.

Where Does This Come From?

As we look at these scenarios, we can see that it is a dysfunctional way of being. However, this behavior doesn't just occur, it had to be learnt from somewhere and someone.

This takes our attention back to the childhood environment. What happens during this time goes a long way to defining how one will perceive love and their level of psychological health.