Googling the Candidates

Now that we're in the thick of this thickening display of Republican nominating politics, we would think that we have a pretty good idea of who all these candidates actually are. But, if we're still a little unsure, if we want to scratch below the surface, if we really want to search out their true essence, there's always one place we can go to find out what people are actually wondering about the men running for President: Google. And no, I'm not talking about the that is sometimes the byproduct of anal sex, I'm talking about simply typing the candidates into the Google search box and seeing what comes up as the most popular result. What people are thinking about all alone, when they're thinking of these guys, sitting in front of their computer. This should be fun.

Let's start by searching "Mitt Romney is". Mitt Romney issues comes up first. And yeah, he's got those. He's got all sorts of issues. Literally every issue, he's got it. You name an issue, Mitt's got an opinion. Maybe even a few. He is a man of issues. There is not a single issue he will eschew. Except for his tax returns, that took him a while to issue. Now that's an issue. Mitt Romney israel up next. What is this, Joogle? Or Koogle? Who knew so many people wanted to know his policy on the Promised Land? What a bunch of nebbish evangelicals. Then comes Mitt Romney is a tool. Well, that's true, but I'm not sure why you need to dig any deeper to find that out. Just watch a speech. And last, and most excellent, Mitt Romney