ABOUT WOMAN

Mothers and Mentches.

 Unless you live in outer Uzbek, you have probably been coping with the relentless barrage of advertising for Mother's Day gifts that we face every year. Despite this gifting mania, I'm still not getting excited. With few exceptions, you can hardly find anything for Moms today that hasn't been pulled from a Dumpster and recycled, slapped with a "fair trade" label that cannot be removed under penalty of law, or made from "banana byproducts." I've seen tote bags advertised for Mom that have solar panels attached, as if we don't have enough to schlep around. You call these gifts? Here's a tip for those still shopping for that special Mom in your life: I would not want to be on the receiving end of a dinner prepared by a woman who had just received a composting starter kit for Mother's Day. Just sayin'.


The really serious business of Jewish mothers is the business of raising mentches.

Not only am I allergic to gifts that have political agendas attached, but honestly, what gift could possibly come close to expressing thanks for the towering contributions of the Jewish mother? Think about it: Can you name any other group of mothers anywhere who are genetically wired to make a soup that doubles as penicillin? Didn't think so. And don't underestimate the soaring market value of a Jewish mother's homemade chicken soup as co-payments for antibiotics begin to skyrocket. Why, I wouldn't be surprised if a black market emerged for this wondrous invention,