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This article WAS written primarily by Paul; it's a male look at how men view love, and it's rather blunt. So buckle up and hang on!
It is becoming increasingly common to hear of women who want love more often than their husband does. In part, this is the result of a greater willingness to speak up about the problem, but there are other factors at play. Due to things ranging from stress to obesity to internet porn, a growing number of men are less interested in love, less able to have love, or unable to be aroused by their wife as they should.
There is one other cause of these problems that needs to be noted before we move on. If there is a significant ongoing problem between you and your husband, this can also harm his desire/ability to be sexual with you. Hurt feelings may continue even after something is resolved or buried, so past problems could be an issue too. If he feels you take him for grated, don't respect him, or expect unreasonable things from him, his sexual interest in you will be effected. If any of these are at play, the ideas here are a bandage on a lost limb – deal with the problem first, and then apply the ideas here if his sex drive does not return.
The reasons for a lack of male sex drive are many, and a checklist of sorts can be found in our Lack of Desire article. The purpose of this article is to give frustrated wives some practical ideas that may help them entice their husband to have more sex. If your husband is afraid that his sex drive makes him a monster, suffers from sexual guilt, or is concerned you don't really want or enjoy sex, these suggestions should either get him past his hang up, or create a crisis that will bring the hang-up to light. If your husband is suffering from a low sex drive, or is just too busy, these ideas may be effective. If your husband has fed on porn to the point he can’t be aroused by a real woman (any real woman, not just you), these ideas will likely not be of much help.
If these ideas don't help, you may have a serious problem, and it's probably time to seek help. Please note that sexual problems can be a warning sign of significant health issues; his primary care doctor needs to know about any change in desire or sexual function – it could literally save his life.
Because men have a wide variety of likes and dislikes, and a wide variety of sexual baggage, you should pick and choose from the things suggested here. However, don't assume you know what he will like, and don't assume his first reaction to something reveals his true feelings. If you want to precipitate a change, you're going to have to be bold and take some risks.
The male brain is wired a certain way when it comes to sex, and regardless of how strong or weak a man's drive is, his basic sexual wiring is the same. In a nutshell men like to see sex organs (breasts and genitals), and like to see those parts doing something. Men also like variety. The idea here is for a woman to learn how to use these things to arouse her husband.
Before we start, you need to ditch any worries you have about not looking good, or being able to arouse your husband visually. First, realize that most women are far more attractive than they think. Second, realize that most men are not as into sexual perfection as you think. The looks of the average centrefold or porn star are icing on a cardboard cake. If you are going to look at a two dimensional image of something you can't have, you care about every little detail; but when you are having real sex with a real woman those things are not important. Third, realize that men are practical, the wife you have is better than the woman you don't have. To be blunt ladies, it's not what you've got, it's how you use and display what you've got. A woman who is overweight, flat as a board, or otherwise not up to some worldly standard of sexy, can easily drive her husband crazy with lust (it's okay for him to lust for you) if she knows how to do it. The biggest block to making this work is worrying about looking or acting silly. You have nothing to lose, so abandon shame and embarrassment, get in there, and turn your man on!
Don't wait until you want sex to start turning him on. For men arousal is a cumulative thing. Get a man turned on then walk away, and his conscious awareness of his arousal will fade, but his body and his mind have been primed. The next time he is aroused the response will be faster and stronger. Plan ahead, and work him up off and on over time rather than trying to get him going all at once.
All that said, here are a number of ideas. In some sections, I have listed a number of similar ideas to try to help you understand how his mind works. Once you understand his sexual mind, you will be able to come up with your own ideas.
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