How to cope with hurt
Every day we encounter thousands of different people. And since people are different, values, attitudes, and each has its own life, not to avoid conflict of interest. A conflict of interest when we are offended.
Offended by my mother, that time is not asked for help, not bought, chided. Offended at her husband did not call, and promised, but did not do that, or does not help crying. Offended by a colleague that did not help, did not call, do not warn you.Sometimes, even offended by strangers: stepped on his leg, roughly served, gave a trifle change, stale goods sold, etc.
Examples of grievances may be weight, but what remains unchanged is the fact that
Resentment IS, and Everyone has their own resentment.
It has become fashionable to write about the wrongs, forgiveness and ease of communication.What do you think, why?
Insults do not give free live, grow, and the more co-exist together. And because modern society tends to become more harmonious and more freely, to work with grievances is on all fronts.
Look at your life, people around you. Is there a place in your life and if there are grievances, then start working on them right now.
Resentment - is like a wall. The wall, which we are gradually to stand in relations with other people, and when we own hands they have built, it becomes too late to change anything in that relationship.
History
Once I asked a woman who could not figure out what to do in a relationship with her husband. She is very worried about his work, because it is often delayed, does not help around the house and children, poorly communicates with his mother, etc.
When we started to analyze its situation, then found out that what she called her feelings were hurt.Moreover, such grievances, real, strong, capable to hurt another person, to destroy it.
She herself did not understand, for it was so accustomed to experiencing. Silently, with a hidden reproach, and with a piercing gaze. Oh, seriously!Now imagine how hard the person who hurt with such a living.
Offended person is not going to touch, long silent, sometimes for several days / weeks. Do you want to help but can not.
The most important thing here - both sides understand that the offense - a manipulation! No matter how much it did not last, minute, hour, day.
Resenting a man says that you're not, I want you to be different, to change. But this does not lead to the desired result, because the result, which gives you an insult - it is compelling. Forcing a person to become another, you call only the negative, anger, rejection response.
Of course, very difficult to live without resentment.But you have to use the offense for the benefit of themselves and other people and NEVER let the hurt deep in my heart. Your heart is worthy of the best! Grievances also destroy it!
Below I have made you a short interview. Answers to the questions that will help you cope with the hurt and start living an easy, calm, dignified and more joyful life.
These are:
On what we offended?
Why are we offended?
What is the impact on us and insult our lives?
How to work on offense?
On what we offended?
We are offended by people around the refusal of the request, failure to perform a job / promise, no work done on time, disobedience, etc.
And if we say simply:
We take offense at people for what they do not fit our ideas!
Why are we offended?
We initially idealize man, his behavior and he does not ascribe to its quality, and when they do not conform to our ideals, we are offended. We try to make it behave as it is necessary (as we should), dominates our human authority, we press on pity, break the inner core of the interlocutor.
Resentment arises when it is inconsistent with our concepts, frameworks!
What is the impact on us and insult our lives?
If you break the word "offended" in two parts, we get the phrase - offend Xia (Himself). It's true, we are offended myself.
Offense - a black space within us that consumes us and shows us our imperfections. We consider ourselves to be rejected, abandoned, often not necessary to anybody, thus offending, disrupting and destroying itself.
How to work on offense?
To cope with the insult, we must take the place of another person and try to understand it. Why did he do? Take his position and explain it to them.Sometimes, of course, when people say nasty things specifically to annoy the person hurt, but it is also important to understand and accept the abuser.
And that offense is not built up with them should be dealt with immediately. There are several options for addressing grievances:
A. Talking with someone clarify the situation.
Two. Writing down all of their discontent on the leaf.
Three. Responding to open-ended questions to yourself. Here is a list of open questions: "Why am I offended?", "What am I offended?", "What should be done to resolve the conflict and to release an insult?"
4. You can write a letter to the offender, or even send it, just write down everything on paper. Paper all endure!
Most importantly - remember that the heart of another person such as a fragile and delicate, like yours. Find a good, constructive words that will help you clarify the situation and do not offend anyone!
Learn to live with a heart full of love! With a heart that can not only forgive, but to inspire!
Author: Ekaterina Kovaleva, a female psychologist
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