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Have you ever found yourself in a relationship
with a man where you're doing EVERYTHING?
All the planning, all the driving around, all
All the calling, all the arranging? (And if you
don't, you either don't see him or hear from him
at all, or he gets angry at YOU for not calling,
driving, planning or arranging?)
Where you're initiating everything - affection,
touching - even sex?
And you start to feel like everything's on his
I know first hand it doesn't feel very good.
It's like being locked into something where you
can never do enough, you can never do it well
enough, what you do never gets noticed, and
...well, you find yourself getting more and more
frustrated, angry, and a little crazy.
I remember feeling so locked in and invested
and "in love" with some guy, I couldn't see any
other way to make it work but to just keep trying
to make it work!
You start feeling needy, and it's hard to hide.
I remember looking in the mirror and seeing
myself looking almost desperate.
I remember how every relationship felt like I
was in a romance novel without the happy ending.
I was either disinterested, or hopelessly
caught up with a man who didn't seem to care.
I remember working so hard to hold onto a man
and a relationship - doing everything I could to
keep it going - only to have him dump me for
another woman - sometimes right in front of me!
I felt unloved, untouched and unlovable.
And I beat myself up about it all the time.
If you've ever felt that way, you know the
thing most of us women do is to just try to keep
Sometimes we try to be as pleasant as possible,
sometimes we get angry. Pretty soon we start
feeling tired, drained, depressed - even sick! -
and most of the time we don't even have any idea
It's like we've stuffed all our deepest
feelings so far down just to keep things going
that we can't even find them. Even when we're
And it just wears you out.
I've been there, and I know how much it hurts.
But it didn't have to be that way for me, and
it doesn't have to for you. If I turned my
relationship around, with the little skills I had,
you can, too.
One of the most important concepts I talk
about, and one you can use right now to turn
things around the way I did (you can find the
basics of it in Chapter 19 of my Have The
Relationship You Want ebook) is called
I use the word to describe that thing we do
when we take over everything in the relationship
that a man isn't doing.
It's what we do when we TAKE UP THE SLACK.
In the ebook, I walk you through how to stop
Overfunctioning, and in Commitment Blueprint I
walk you through and show you how to undo many
more of the deadly things we women are taught to
do that push men away.
Here, I want to touch on some of these things
you can do RIGHT NOW to help yourself and begin to
change your relationship around.
First off, MEN SEE THINGS DIFFERENTLY than we
They don't like it when we do stuff for them.
They really do want to be our Princes, our
Knights in Shining Armor. But most of us won't LET
We sort of push them away, tell them we can do
it ourselves just fine, thank you.
Or we let them do for us, but then we correct
the way they do it, or how long it takes them.
We're so afraid of looking needy that we
completely expose our neediness!
By acting like we don't need them, we
demonstrate how desperately we DO need them.
Telling them how strong we are is like shooting
ourselves in the foot.
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