Growing up, our mothers would always remind us not to talk to strangers. When we got a bit older, our girlfriends warned us against accepting free drinks from unknown men (or women for that matter) for fear that it might be spiked with some unknown substance that might cause us harm. But no one told us to be careful of the guys we did know; the guys who might misinterpret familiarity for consent and feel entitled to have their way with us if we’d been flirtatious, drunk, or simply naïve; the guys who breach our trust in a crime more common than you might think—date rape.

Below we've listed six critical questions about date rape—and the answers to them. Read on to learn what you should know about date rape and how you can prevent it from happening to you.


1. WHAT IS DATE RAPE?

Psychologist Mary Koss defines date or acquaintance rape as an act where a person is "subjected tounwanted sexual intercourse, oral sex, anal sex, or other sexual contact through the use of force orthreat of force. Unsuccessful attempts are also subsumed within the term 'rape.'" Koss further definessexual coercion as "unwanted sexual intercourse, or any other sexual contact subsequent to the use ofmenacing verbal pressure or misuse of authority."

According to Robin Warshaw, author of I Never Called It Rape--a book that was largely premised on the findings of Koss--just because you weren’t fighting back, kicking, or screaming during the course of the act doesn't mean it wasn't rape.

Unlike other forms of rape we may be more familiar with, date or acquaintance rape mostly happens indorm rooms or at the homes of either the victim or the assailant, which warns us of something we should always keep in mind: being in familiar surroundings doesn't necessarily make you safer than going to places you've never been to. 


2. HOW PREVALENT IS DATE RAPE?

The American Academy of Experts in Traumatic Stress (AAETS) cites a university survey conducted among more than 5,000 male and female students that revealed the following results:

• One in four women surveyed was victim of rape or attempted rape.
• An additional one in four women surveyed was touched sexually against her will or was victim of sexual coercion.
• 84 percent of those raped knew their attackers.
• 57 percent of those rapes happened while on dates.
• One in 12 male students surveyed had committed acts that met the legal definitions of rape or attempted rape.
• 84 percent of those men who committed rape said that what they did was definitely not rape.
• 16 percent of the male students who committed rape and 10 percent of those who attempted a rape took part in episodes involving more than one attacker.

The sad thing is that date rape often goes unreported. Self-blame, fear of what others will say (that the victim was somehow asking for it and or deserved it), and the stigma that comes with being identified as a rape victim are all common reasons why women choose to remain silent. Another horrifying reality is that some women do not even realize that they have been raped because the perpetrators were people they knew. AAETS goes on to cite additional findings from the same research:

• Only 27 percent of those women whose sexual assault met the legal definition of rape thought of themselves as rape victims.
• 42 percent of the rape victims did not tell anyone about their assaults.
• Only 5 percent of the rape victims reported the crime to the police.
• Only 5 percent of the rape victims sought help at rape-crisis centers.
• Whether they had acknowledged their experience as a rape or not, 30 percent of the women identified as rape victims contemplated suicide after the incident.
• 82 percent of the victims said that the experience had permanently changed them

According to the 2009 Philippine National Police Statistics cited by the People's Recovery, Empowerment Development Assistance (Preda) Foundation, there is an average of nine rape cases every day or one incident every two and half hours in the country.