Undoing Relationship Myths

MYTH: "If my partner loved me, they would know what I want or need. I shouldn't have to ask."

Dream on . . . most of the time (maybe all the time) you need to ask for what you want or need. This is also true at work or school, or with friends.

It's important to let your expectations known. If you don't, you will become frustrated and then think its all your partner's fault. Love is not being able to read minds. Its about sharing.

"Most quarrels amplify a misunderstanding." ~ Andre Gide ~

MYTH: "If my partner loved me, he/she would spend all their time with me."

Are you kidding? That's not even healthy.

Good relationships require two individuals who each have a life of their own. That includes the friends each of you had before the relationship, or new ones made at work or the gym.

NOBODY can be all things to you. Not even the love of your life.

"But let there be spaces in your togetherness and let the winds of the heavens dance between you. Love one another but make not a bond of love: let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls." ~ Kahlil Gibran ~

MYTH: "If my partner loved me, he/she would stop leaving the cupboard doors hanging open."

Excuse me for laughing.

Even people we love do irritating things. You can ask them to stop but you are probably asking them to change a long held habit, or their temperament.

You can't fix people unless they want to make the change. So what are the options?
- Let your partner know how you feel when the irritating thing occurs. Say "I feel _______ when you ________." (example: "I feel hurt when you call me dumpling.")
- Get over it
- Accept it
- Find the humor in it
- Continue seething or fighting
- Get counseling

"Not only is our love for our children [our partner] sometimes tinged with annoyance, discouragement, and disappointment, the same is true for the love our children [our partner] feel for us." ~ Bruno Bettelheim ~