LOVE POEMSBOARD

Disconnected From Reality

by Vicky Murray

The past few days I have done a lot of soul searching. I am seated on American Airlines flight 234 headed to Miami for a seven day cruise and what’s suppose to be lots of rest and relaxation with the man who I have always thought of as my lifetime. Funny, how events in your life will alter the way you feel about life and everyone in it. From day to day, hour to hour, and minute to minute your life, feelings, and actions are constantly changing. Normally, I would be blissfully happy because we are together but today I am totally disgusted and nothing about my mood is pleasant. I bet he noticed it from the time I arrived in NY. I guess that is why he made no attempts at making love to me last night. His behavior is not like I remembered. Maybe he is just reacting to me. In any case at this point in my life I really don’t care. I am tired of short-changing myself. At this very moment I have made the decision to end things with him. I’m tired of always coming up short with him. I will just wait for the right time to tell him. Ten years is more than enough time to know what you want.

The plane touched down, we retrieved our bags and caught a cab to the Ship. It felt like days before we reached our cabin and had a minute to relax. My heart was pounding so hard. My head was aching from the thoughts of everything that had happen to me this year and my soul was ready to give up. Another blow to my existence would destroy me. Now was the time to put all the cards on the table. “Dawson, we need to talk.” “Good, I was waiting for you to let me know what was going on with you. I understand you suffered a terrible lost this year but you really need to try and get yourself together and enjoy the rest of your life. You need to move on with your life Harlem.” My initial laugh was a slight chuckle but for some reason after repeating his comment in my head I began to laugh hysterically. “I know you are not telling me to move on with my life. Isn’t that the pot calling the kettle black? I guess if I was moving on with my life I wouldn’t be here with you. You got your nerve. I am so tired of playing with you.” He looked shock. “Harlem, what did I do to you? Why are you so angry with me? I know things haven’t been easy for you but I refuse to let you take it out on me. I am here to have a good time and I hope you are not going to ruin that.” I turned to look at him and for the first time he looked like all the other sorry men whose impacted my life in such a negative way. Men have always let me down from day one. Never could I remember being showed any kind of affection by my father. My first marriage was affectionless and I spend eight years trying to mother my second husband. Nothing ever seems to go right for me. My last marriage was my one and only shot at getting everything I wanted. My husband was as good as a man could get. In him I had it all; my father, my protector, and my soul mate. Finally I got my piece of the pie but once