Life will teach everything

How to think before Speaking

One of the most obvious and significant attributes of humans is the ability to communicate through speech. An interesting corollary is that we can also communicate our thoughts in real time; we do not need to plan what we’re going to say before we say it. This has both advantages and disadvantages. It would be clearly undesirable for us to have to formulate our thoughts before we issue an immediate warning ("run!") and communication would be dramatically slowed if we were unable to respond, naturally, to people in normal conversation.

On the other hand, this innate ability is often the source of consternation when what we say on the spur of the moment is something we later wish we had either not said, or said differently; it happens to everyone, sometimes, the trick is to remember when. Typically, this happens when we are responding quickly in stressful situations, or during confrontation, although it can happen at any time. Recognizing that we do not always say what we would like to communicate is an important realization – how to help mitigate that issue is not complex, but does require some behavioral changes. The goal is to be aware of when to talk naturally and fluidly, and when to think before we speak... and when not to speak at all.

Steps

1

Observe yourself: Take note of when this happens to you. What circumstances led to your saying things that, later, you wish you had said differently? Does it happen mostly with one particular person (or group of people)? Is it most often in arguments or debates? Is it when you’re "on the spot" for information? Try to find a pattern. It might be helpful to start a journal of events so you can compare these at your leisure.
2

Recognize your situation: After you determine what circumstances might be most likely to produce this unwanted effect, try to be very observant about when those conditions appear to be manifesting. The more skilled you become at recognizing this, the better you will be at changing your approach.
3

Observe the conversation: Now that you know you’re in one of "those" situations, the goal is for you to process information. Often when we respond in a less than appropriate way, it’s because we didn’t fully comprehend what was being said. This is the time to sit back