THE ONLINE THINGS!

Alrighty, then. You've done your homework and found the online dating site which most appeals to you. Well done. Welcome to the next step: selecting your username. Do yourself a favor and don't skip this article. It's more significant than you may realize.

• Who do we want to attract? Is Mr. Right a country boy who just wants to settle down with a nice girl and raise 2.5 kids? Is Mr. Right a powersuit, looking to up his status by marrying a trophy wife? Is Mr. Right a wild thang, looking for a bride who'll live out of his Jeep? Is Mr. Right a lazy SOB who's just looking for a maid?

• Why does it matter? Well, for starters, if you go calling yourself ShyGurl, Mr. Wild Thang is probably going to pass right over you. He doesn't know you've been waiting for someone to bring out that Joan Jett streak. He figures you're a bookworm who spends all her time at the local library. Which makes him think you wouldn't be interested.