Dating and Courtship - Part 5
God’s Way
Dating and Courtship - Part 2; http://posts.fanbox.com/vsnz3
Dating and Courtship - Part 3; http://posts.fanbox.com/pcpz3
Dating and Courtship - Part 4; http://posts.fanbox.com/tgpz3
Countless millions of shattered families began with wrong dating habits. These habits made proper courtship impossible. And the results have been tragic. The almost universal effects of modern dating demonstrate widespread ignorance, even on the most basic points of right dating. Almost no one understands the real purpose of dating or of the courtship that can ensue. The next step, achieving a happy marriage, then also becomes impossible. There is a right way to date! What is it? And there are right and wrong people to date. How can you know the difference? It is time to unlearn the wrong principles, acquired from society—and to learn and apply God’s true principles, leading to happy marriages and families! Presenting God’s perspective, this book reveals those principles.
Chapter Five –
TRUE LOVE—AND HOW IT RELATES TO DATING
We have seen that when Adam and Eve ate from the tree of knowledge of good and evil, they cut humanity off from God. Therefore, mankind is also cut off from the source of real love. As a result, because millions lack God’s revealed knowledge of what is true love, the feeling they have is only a feeling!
You need no longer be ignorant of this. God created men and women with the ability to love and be loved—and He wants them to experience this in their lives. You can find true love in a relationship—and we have seen that it is far different than simple infatuation—but to do this you must first understand what it is!
Love Defined
The New Testament uses two different Greek words generally translated “love.” One is found in Colossians 3:19, where husbands are commanded, “love your wives.” Here, the word “love” derives from the Greek word agape. This word means the love of god, and to understand the fullest love that can be shared between a man and a woman, we must first know what the love of God is.
One must accept that men’s opinions do not count! The Bible is the sole authority. Now how does God’s Word define His love?
John wrote, “for this is the love of god, that we keep his commandments: and His commandments are not grievous” (I John 5:3). Previously, we have talked about love and we have talked about God’s Law, but we have now established how they are connected. The Bible plainly defines the greatest love as the keeping of God’s commandments. Sadly, while every professing Christian wants to experience the love of God, most believe that the commandments are grievous—and harsh!—and would say that this law was done away by Christ’s sacrifice.
Is it any wonder that the state of dating, courtship and marriage today is in such confusion, yielding so many tragic results and ruining so many lives? What hope could any marriage have without understanding and having access to the love of God?
Recognize that the commandments and the law are the same. Notice how Paul amplified what John wrote: “Love works no ill to his neighbor: therefore love is the fulfilling of the law” (Rom. 13:10). Once again, love is defined here as “the fulfilling of the law.” Obedience to the Ten Commandments fulfills the Law—and it is this that “works no ill to his neighbor.”
Remember that the Bible speaks of “the Holy Spirit, [which] God has given to them that obey Him” (Acts 5:32). True Christians obey God’s spiritual Law. Jesus never taught that we need merely “believe on Him” to be saved. When asked what one must “do” to have “eternal life”—be saved—Jesus did not say, “Just believe on Me.” He said, “If you will enter into life, keep the commandments” (Matt. 19:17). Now read how having the Holy Spirit is directly connected to the love of God: “…the love of God is shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Spirit which is given unto us” (Rom. 5:5)—but only if we obey God!
Where is the harshness in a law God equates to love? The “sentimental fluff” standards of the various humanly-defined forms of so-called “love” mean nothing to God. As with sin, only God can define real love!
Once again, commandment-keeping demonstrates out-flowing, selfless concern for others!
Consider God’s greatest gift to mankind, which has been reduced to little more than a religious slogan: “For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whosoever believes in Him should not perish, but have everlasting life” (John 3:16).
Recognize that God is the only Source of true love, and only through His Word—the Holy Bible—can we find exactly what constitutes true love between a man and a woman.
Returning to the Greek
As mentioned, two words were translated “love” in the New Testament. The Greeks recognized that there were different forms of love, and by understanding these two words, plus a third Greek word (not found in the New Testament) that can also be translated “love,” we can better understand the love one must strive for in relationships.
The next New Testament word translated “love” is philia, the root word for “Philadelphia,” meaning “brotherly love.” This love is between brothers, friends or comrades—a physical love of companionship and friendship. Parents and children, siblings and close friends all share this type of love in their relationships.
But the Greeks also had a third word for love, eros. You may recognize the English word erotic, which is derived from it. Eros is romantic, sexual love between husband and wife, but it is not lust! Remember, it is a form of love, which God designed to be the pinnacle of physical pleasure when expressed in a marriage relationship between husband and wife, the only proper place for it.
Clearly, eros is not wrong, but it should never be the only form of love in a marriage. Sadly, however, most couples have no idea that marriage cannot be based solely on romantic love. This excludes both of the much deeper forms of love that couples can go on to experience. While romance and sex certainly bring some happiness and closeness in a marriage, and this is not to be understated, this is not enough to make the relationship truly fulfilling—or for it even to last.
Grasp this! Though the love of friendship and companionship is vital, both philia and eros are—and can only be—practiced on the physical level.
Before delving deeper into the meaning of eros, let’s first see the kind of love the Bible instructs spouses to have toward one another: “Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it” (Eph. 5:25). The love referenced here, as with so many other scriptures, is agape. God expresses this love to mankind spiritually through His Holy Spirit working in converted minds. Recall Romans 5:5.
Agape is not merely a feeling, although it can involve various feelings. It is a conscious, controlled way of thinking. It is absolutely crucial to recognize that the natural, carnal mind, lacking God’s Spirit, simply cannot experience this kind of love—and neither can any marriage that leaves God out of the picture!
All three forms of love are important, and vital, for the bond of marriage to remain strong—and to endure. But remember, these three are vastly different. Philia is the love within friendships. Eros is the love expressed through romance and sex. Agape is the most critical and important love—spiritual love. (Take time to study I Corinthians 13, often described
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