Repairing the Parent-Child Relationship
The parent-child relationship is being assaulted from many directions these days. Parents are under the gun of mounting economic pressures resulting in long work hours, and often more than one job. Our 24-hour a day culture has created a job market that never goes to sleep, and many parents find themselves working hours outside of the usual nine to five workday. This leaves big gaps in childcare arrangements, especially since the school day has continued to remain somewhere between the hours of 7AM and 4PM. Another cultural development that has significantly impacted the family is the explosion of mass media and mass communication, particularly internet style. This evolutionary step in technology has permanently changed the environment within which parents are trying to monitor and control the development of their children. The massive exposure to all kinds of information, and particularly information that is unhealthy or beyond the scope of a child's developmental age, has placed parents in the untenable position of battling outside influences that tear at the parent-child relationship rather than assisting to safeguard family values, parental guidelines, and promote normal psychological growth.
All of this is exacerbated if you happen to be a single parent trying to do it all. These parents are often just plain tired and worn out, and the idea of trying to sift through the problems that confront their children after a long workday when its time to cook dinner, do homework, and get everyone into bed can seem daunting to say the least. Nevertheless, the strength of the parent-child relationship is more important than ever as it is our primary means of keeping our children safe, helping them to navigate the world, and assisting them to develop personal strengths for making the right choices. The problem is how to make sure that the parent-child relationship is strong and meets the child's needs in spite of some of the circumstances just described. For many, the relationship is already in need of repair. What's offered here are some of the more proven methods for enhancing the relationship along with some tips on how to begin the process of repair.
Sign Of Problems
The first step is to evaluate the state of your relationship with your child or children. You can get a pretty clear picture by asking the following questions:
| - Do you know your child's likes, dislikes, choice of activities, favorite TV shows, favorite clothes to wear, best and worst subjects in school, etc., and if so, how detailed is your knowledge about these things? For example, you might know that your son likes video games, but do you also know that he likes two or three in particular? Do you know what it is that excites him about these particular kinds of games?
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| - Do you know your child's friends, what they do together, what kinds of struggles they encounter, what they have in common, and so forth? This is particularly important if you have a teen. Do you know the interrelationships of your teen's peer group? Do you talk about such things together? Does your teen want to tell you about her friends?
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| - How effective are your attempts at discipline? Do you find that most of your communication with your child is around issues of discipline? Are you having a lot of problems with disrespect, defiance, and chronic misbehavior?
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| - How well is your child doing in terms of developmental tasks and behavior? Is she regressed? Are there chronic problems with schoolwork or school behavior? Do you feel she is able to maintain responsibilities appropriate for her age?
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| - Is your child overly whiny or attention seeking, or does he show any signs of having inappropriate separation anxiety from you?
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| - Are their any overt signs of low self-worth, low self-esteem, anxiety or depression, and if so, are you able to talk to your child about these feelings?
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| - Is your child overly aggressive, involved in deviant behavior, chronically angry, or conversely overly withdrawn and passive?
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If
your answers were less than satisfactory to more than two of these, then it is likely that there is too much distance between you and
5 Comments
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