The Best Relationship Advice EVER

We all learned many way of avoiding our pain when we were growing up, because we could not manage feeling it when we were little. Now, as adults, most people continue to protect in the ways they learned, not knowing that they are now capable of managing their pain and moving back into their joy.

There are two kinds of painful feelings:

• The core painful feelings - of loneliness, heartbreak, sadness, grief, sorrow, terror and helplessness over others - that come from events or others' unloving, violent or disconnected behavior toward themselves or us.
• The wounded painful feelings - of anxiety, depression, guilt, shame, jealousy and anger - that come from our own thoughts and protective, controlling actions toward ourselves and others.

We all desire to be connected with those important to us, and we naturally feel core painful feelings, especially when someone important to us disconnects from us with their own protections - their anger, blame, withdrawal, and so on.

In many relationships this becomes a protective circle, each person's protections triggering the other's core pain, and each person protecting against feeling their core pain with their protections, which guarantees that you will remain disconnected - the very thing you are trying to protect against.

How Do You Protect Against Feeling Your Core Pain?
(You might want to print this out and mark the ones that apply to you).