A 2009 article in O magazine reported on a study conducted at Stanford with over 1500 participants, looking at what differentiated partners in happy, healthyrelationships from people who were disappointed and unhappy. The only indicator that had an impact on long-term satisfaction: blaming your partner for problems in the relationship!

Being responsible for ourselves and our behaviors is at the root of maturity. But that requires being in our “adult self”. As I’ve mentioned in prior articles, sometimes we can easily shift into our “child self” when we are triggered. And being told you are wrong, or the perception that you are being told you are wrong, often triggers strong emotions, especially shame.

So here’s how it might look: