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Some Thoughts

As I think about the topic of "life without parents - how to cope", it is soberingly clear that there is not a simple "how-to" formula.

Factors that make a difference are the age of the person who is without parents, the reason that person is without parents, whether the person is still grieving the death of one or both parents, and the kind of relationship the person had, if any, with parents at one time.

When someone has had a great relationship and good parents losing them presents its own type of loss. On the other hand, people who have never had parents in their life have a different sense of loss.

My father died when I was 21 years old. That was an absolute shock that felt like a giant kick in the head. I was very aware that he would never get to know me as an adult and never get to see my children. Although, of course, we always move on after loss, I always felt short-changed to have lost him so young. (I was more than aware that many other people lost parents a lot younger than I was when he died, but that didn't alter my feeling short-changed.)

I had my mother until I was about 40. On the one hand, I was a little more prepared to lose her. On the other, getting used to not having her in my life may have been more difficult. After all, I had a much longer time with her in my life.

Even though I was good and mature when my mother passed away, since then I have had - somewhere in the back of my mind - the running thought that I no longer have either parent. As people do, I have gone on with my life. Still, I have to say that - on the whole - there is just a hint of sadness now that wasn't there before both of my parents died, and back when the world didn't seem a little bit broken.

While I guess I'm used to it at this point, I have to say that the way I coped after first losing each of my parents was to try not to think about them.

What about someone younger than I was? How are they to cope without parents? Over the course of my adult life I've had occasion to know several young people who faced the world without having their parents in their lives.

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