My Attempt to Find the Words to Describe What Love

When I consider the word, "love", my first reaction is to realize that it is a word that (when used the way I think it should be used) is a grossly inadequate representation of the emotion it is intended to describe. 

There are times, of course, when we use the word, "love", in a "light" way; and I'm not talking about those times. An example of this "light way" might be if we say, "I love light coffee" or "I love the Spring." In instances like that, we really mean "like a lot" or "really, really, appreciate". 

When taken (and used) more as it is intended to be, the word, "love" is either a verb that describes the act of having one particular emotion toward someone or something; or it's a noun that represents the emotion, itself.

Years ago I read a book that analyzed love. The social worker/author concluded that there are many different types of love (many of them being less than of the healthier variety), but that all healthy forms of love have two things in common: 1) admiration of the other person, and 2) respect for the other person. Simply stating that, however, isn't necessarily enough; because, for example, if one person admires the appearance of the other that's a very different thing from admiring the person, himself. The same applies for respect. A seventeen-year-old boy may have a whole lot of respect for drop-dead-gorgeous classmate with a less-than-nice personality. Neither the admiration nor the respect in the examples amount to genuine love.

Having pointed that out, however, I do accept that author's conclusion that it isn't a whole love unless true respect and admiration for the other person are present.

In the world of romantic love, things are particularly muddy. There are, as far as I'm concerned, too many possible flaws in a lot of instances of romantic love. First, there is the confusing of infatuation with genuine love. It is often said that infatuation fades and either results in the end of the relationship or the relationship's entering a new, deeper, caring phase. While this may tend to be the most common situation in a lot of relationships, there are those relationships in which people will say they remain "in love". Others will describe a more comfortable kind of caring about the other person. Clearly, while infatuation is never genuine love; when it turns into love there's the possibility it will turn into two very different types of love - one with the "in love" factor still present, and one that is based more on something less romantic.

Some people will describe love as "finding a soul-mate", but I've run into descriptions of soul-mates that point out that one's soul-mate does not have to be a romantic partner. In other words, the "soul-mate factor" may or may not be present in all romantic relationships, and by itself is not a determinant of romantic love. I suspect, too, that many people who believe they have found a soul-mate may have found something with whom they get along famously but may have their own definition of "soul-mate".

Defining romantic love can also pose complications because - let's face it - a lot of romantic love is based on need or other less-than-ideal components. So, rather than to even try to address what genuine romantic love is here, I'm going to describe what I believe