I know, right? :))

"Take your life in your own hands and what happens? A terrible thing: no one to blame."

"I'm an Air Force officer just like you are, Colonel. And just because my reproductive organs are on the inside instead of the outside doesn't mean I can't handle whatever you can handle."

"Why this insane, vein-popping determination that it's impossible, IMPOSSIBLE that a female who actually has a life and two firing brain cells to rub together would POSSIBLY have anything pointedly critical to say about males?"

"I know the difference between being a Bitch (taking no unwarranted shit) and being an asshole (dishing out unwarranted shit)."

"I couldn't give a rat's tutu about your emotional distress"

"I've been pissed off by one too many immature, disorganized and emotionally spastic publicists to take any shit from an f'ing sweetdick BMW-owning engineer. The principle is: Put your balls in your pants and USE THEM."

"And oh, the painful attempts at wit. Clearly this guy thinks he's hot shit on a stick with rice. I do agree with the shit part, though, and I definitely have my suspicions about that stick."

"You do learn restraint, though. You can't give in to that motherly urge to smother 'em all in their sleep. In this business it would just mean more work for you the next day."

If he really WANTS to use his head as a butt-plug, maybe you should just, you know, LET him. Perhaps he has a fondness for using santorum as a hair-grooming product."

"The first idiotic quick fix of the summer that springs to mind is ABC's "How to Get the Guy" (10 p.m. Mondays) -- a show that would more accurately be called "How to Get A Guy, Any Guy" or better yet, "How to Cast a Great, Big, Wide Net Like the Soulless, Whoring Sea Donkey That You Are.""

"The victimization culture of today's psychology has done a great disservice to too many people. Somewhere along the way, therapists forgot to teach their patients that the 'right to have your feelings' does not mean the right to act like a raging asshole."

"This guy puts the "why?" in Y chromosome... bigtime."

"Having been fucked is no excuse for being fucked up."

"I cannot take any more; I'm so glad that I'll never fit in; That will never be me; Outcasts and girls with ambition; That's what I wanna see"

"Being a Heartless Bitch is never easy. What made you think choosing the path of self-determination was going to be the easy one? This is going to be painful for you. It isn't all spewing poisoned pen notes about your victimized past, sure THAT is easy. What's hard is building a life, and changing yourself. Not him. You. Have. To. Change."

No one ever died from sleeping in an unmade bed. I have known mothers who remake the bed after their children do it because there's a wrinkle in the spread or the blanket is on crooked. This is sick.

"Warning: Frequent visits to HBI has been reported to make our male readers 15%-75% sexier... Forget viagra boys, just get a spine and that's all the erectile help you'll need."

"I'm starting to think it can't be Head-Up-Ass Syndrome, because there's got to be more oxygen and more light up even the flabbiest ass than could account for such rampant and long-lasting self-abnegation."

"The brain is connected to the spine. Try to get them working in tandem for a change."

"You know, I really DO hate boneheads, but bonehead WOMEN have a SPECIAL place in the crack of my ass."

"A real HB would do everything s/he can not to waste this lesson, because when the lesson is wasted, That Bitch Called Life will only use a bigger hammer next time around."

"Victimhood is not a costume donned to gain attention"

"Because, you know, there's one thing you don't want. It's a woman with her finger on the button who isn't getting laid."

"I'd rather be despised for my character than liked for my lack of it."

"Sometimes you have to learn how to open your mouth for more than just giving head."

"When a man gives his opinion, he's a man. When a woman gives her opinion, she's a bitch."

"I am 'too fiery'... yet I wish to be seen as I am and I would lose all rather than soften away anything."

"I love to see a young girl go out and grab the world by the lapels. Life's a bitch. You've got to go out and kick ass."

"All alike, you men. You only want the satisfaction of being through with us first, that's all. So far I've had the good fortune of beating you to it. So I am heartless."

"People think at the end of the day that a man is the only answer [to fulfillment]. Actually a job is better for me."

"If you think you are too small to have an impact, try going to bed with a mosquito"

"What worries me the most is that most men are so weak. Because of that they act like they don't care and like machos - because they are too fragile inside. They're scared of confrontation and afraid of so many things."

"My idea of feminism