the real stories of everyday life

I don't know what love is. My family thinks it's a kind of trade, or reciprocity. If they do for me, they demand "love" in return. I'm pretty sure that isn't love. I'm an adult now, and have no desire to be indebted to anyone, hence I don't pursue relationships. But I'm pretty sure love isn't reciprocity, and I know I've never felt love. How does one go about learning to love?

Loveless

Dear Loveless,

You are not alone in your quest to understand the meaning of love. You say also that you've never felt love and that you'd like to learn how to love. In this, too, you are not alone. English is a limiting language when it comes to talking about love. Spanish, for example, has words that describe love for family and different words that describe romantic love. Do you feel that you have never felt love towards anyone, or that you've never felt love for a romantic partner?

Of romantic love, Rainer Maria Rilke said that "For one human being to love another: that is perhaps