Friends & Lovers Relationships

Communicating is Not Optional

Part 3 of 4

Step 2 - When it's your turn to only listen:

Communication is the singular activity we all share. Expressing our needs, wants, thoughts, feelings and opinions clearly and effectively is only half of the communication process needed for interpersonal effectiveness. The other half is listening and understanding what others communicate to us.

Empathic listening gets inside your partner's frame of reference. You begin to see the relationship the way they see it, you understand their paradigm, and you begin to understand how they feel. It is human nature to want to work with, not against, someone who understands you.

Being inattentive indicates a lack of interest in what your partner is saying and possibly the relationship. Pay attention. This you must do for this process to work.

Listening must also be intentional. When you are not intentional about listening, you only hear about half of the conversation, if that much. It would be wise to assume that one-sided conversations do not work. Intentional listening can only be effective and only occurs when you listen without expectations of what will be said and without judgment of what was said or for what reason it was said.

To be a committed, empathic, intentional and thoughtful listener is to demonstrate a high degree of respect for your partner. Good communication is not about allowing your relationship to function on autopilot; it's about being intentional about saying