Friends & Lovers Relationships

Communicating is Not Optional

How to listen So Your Partner Will Talk

Part 1 of 4

The #1 problem in relationships is "Undelivered Communications!" Withholding important conversation from your partner nearly always proves to be the destructive force behind the, "My partner will not listen to me!" or "My partner will not talk to me" complaint.

Instead of complaining, deliver the communication - in a loving way - to your partner.

We withhold for many reasons. The main reason seems to be that when we do get up the courage to say what needs to be said - something our partner would rather not hear - our partner gets into the conversation and begins to deny or justify their position or shift the blame to the other partner without accepting any responsibility for their share of the problem.

"Let the disagreement begin!" Usually the decibel level goes off the meter and the argument escalates! The result would be different if both partners would only listen when their partner speaks.

Communicating is not optional. It is an absolute necessity for the success of the relationship. Not communicating with your relationship partner - or not allowing them access to your thoughts and feelings - can exact a heavy price. A communications gap doesn't only undermine the potential of the relationship; it can, and usually will eventually destroy the relationship.

The sound of silence in a relationship is deafening. The silent treatment sends many messages - "I'm not interested," "I have nothing of value to say," "Whenever I say something you argue with me," "I give up. . . what's the use?" and more.

What stops you from communicating is not making a decision to do so. "Take all the time you need to decide, but the ice cream is melting!"

When your partner decides to communicate with you, he/she does so to fulfill a need.

Everyone manages emotion, communication and conflict from habit - patterns and styles developed early in life. In this context the past greatly affects your present relationship. To have a happy and successful relationship, you need to take control of how you interact with your partner.

It is my opinion that some of the greatest needs of human beings - after physical survival - is to be understood, affirmed, validated, forgiven and