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Teacher: What will you do once you are old enough?
Teacher: I mean, what you want to be?
Teacher: I wanted to know what do you want to get?
Teacher: Idiot, what do you want to do for your parents?
Student: Get a daughter-in-law
Teacher: Stupid, what do your parents want from you?
Teacher: Dumaass, what is your goal in life?
Student: We two, our two!!
'I'm not going to school today,' Alexander said to his mother. 'The teachers bully me and the boys in my class don't like me.' 'Why ?' 'Firstly, you're 35 years old. Secondly, you're the principal.'
Boy to Friend: I'm sorry, I won't be able to go out after school. I promised Dad that I would stay in and help him with my homework.
The teacher was reviewing counting with her first-grade class.
"Jackie," she asked, "can you count to 10 without mistakes?" "Yes," said Jackie, and she did. "Now, Fred," said the teacher, "can you count from 10 to 20?" "That depends," said Fred, "with or without mistakes"!
It had been snowing for hours when an announcement came over the high school intercom: "Will the students who are parked on University Drive please move their cars so that we may begin plowing."
Twenty minutes later there was another announcement: "Will the twelve hundred students who went to move 26 cars, return to class."
Little Johnny's kindergarten class was on a field trip to the local police station, where they saw pictures of the 10 Most Wanted men tacked to a bulletin board.
One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person.
"Yes," said the policeman. "The detectives want him very badly."
So Little Johnny asked, "Why didn't you keep him when you took his picture?"
A teacher had a 5-year-old come up to her and say that he had found a frog.
The teacher asked, "Is the frog alive or dead?" The student replied, "It's dead."
The teacher asked, "How do you know for sure?"
The boy said, "I pissed in its ear."
Aghast, the teacher said, "You did what?"
He said, "You know, I went to his ear and said, Psst and it didn't move. So, it must be dead."
On the first day of college, the dean addressed the students, pointing out some of the rules:
"The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students, and the male dormitory to the female students. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time. Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $60. Being caught a third time will cost you $180. Are there any questions?"
"How much for a season pass?"
A heavy snowstorm closed the schools in one town. When the children returned to school a few days later, one grade school teacher asked her students
whether they had used the time away from school constructively.
"I sure did, teacher," one little girl replied. "I just prayed for more snow."
Teacher: "Sam, you talk a lot !"
Johnny: "It's a family tradition".
Teacher: "What do you mean?"
Johnny: "Sir, my grandpa was a street hawker, my father is a teacher".
Teacher: "What about your mother?" Johnny: "She's a woman..."
Teacher : you are late today,
school 7 baje lag jata hai or tum ab aa rahe ho???
Student : sir aap meri fikar na kiya kare
aap school shuru karwa diya kare.
Chiman:Aap kitna padhe ho?
Chiman: kamal karte ho yaar sirf do word padhe aur woh bhi ulte.
Teacher: Tumhare papa 500 rupees loan lete hai. 10% interest ke hisab se woh 1 saal baad loan vapis karte hai. Batao kitne paise vapis karenge?
Bania’s son: Kuch bhi nahi.
Teacher: Tum maths nahi jante.
Banis’s son: Main toh maths janta hoon, par aap mere papa ko nahi jante.
A Sunday school teacher asked the children just before she dismissed them to go to church, “and why is it necessary to be quiet in church?”
Little Johnny replied, “Because we must not disturb people while sleeping.”
Teacher: U idiots! At your age Einstein ranked first in class.
What about you?
Student: Sir at your age Hitler committed suicide..!
What about you?
I'm going to spend my vacation reviewing everything I learned at school.
Really? What are you going to do the second day?
PUPIL: Teacher, it's the last day of school. This is the day I've been dreaming about for a long time.
TEACHER: I know You did a lot of that dreaming in class.
Summer vacation is tough.
We only have three months to forget what it took us nine months of school to learn.
PUPIL: I plan to do absolutely nothing for the next three months.
TEACHER: That should be easy You've had nine months of practice doing that in school.
A little girl came home from school and said to her mother, "Mommy, today in school I was punished for something that I didn't do." The mother exclaimed, "But that's terrible! I'm going to have a talk with your teacher about this ... by the way, what was it that you didn't do?" The little girl replied, "My homework."
A teacher was having trouble teaching arithmetic to one little boy. So she said, "if you reached in your right pocket and found a nickel, and you reached in your left pocket and found another one, what would you have?" "Somebody else's pants."
The teacher came up with a good problem. "Suppose," she asked the second-graders, "there were a dozen sheep and six of them jumped over a fence. How many would be left?"
"None," answered little Norman. "None? Norman, you don't know your arithmetic." "Teacher, you don't know your sheep. When one goes, they all go!"
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