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Dating is a form of courtship consisting of social activities done by two persons with the aim of each assessing the other's suitability as a partner in an intimate relationship or as a spouse. While the term has several senses, it usually refers to the act of meeting and engaging in some mutually agreed upon social activity in public, together, as a couple.
Dating or Courting has gone on for centuries. The way people date has changed over the years. When I was a young woman, dating consisted of a high school boy asking me out to a movie, then coming to my house to pick me up and meet my parents.
They say that true is stranger than fiction. I often wonder why? It must be because in fiction the writer can control all of the charterer’s words, actions, emotions, and the outcome of the lives he or she is writing about. Every twist and turn is programmed into the story. Then there is life with more twist and turns than a person can ever imagine. The truth is, life is never ever the way you dreamed it to be. As a little girl I read all the fairy tale stories and dreamed that someday my prince would come. To be honest I have gone through my life looking for my prince caught up in the fantasies. The truth is fantasy is so much better than reality because in reality there has been no prince, white horse or happy ending.
I found out a lot about Dee over the next couple of months. He was in a relationship with his daughter’s mother for 10 years. She moved to Georgia and Dee could not follow because of job issues. Their relationship fell apart. He shared his fear that he would not get to see his daughter over the holidays. But things did work out for him and he did get to spend time with his daughter and I was so happy for him. We talked of friends, sports, eating right, working out, family, everything but us. When I would bring up the subject of us and how he feels about us Dee would always find a round about way of avoiding any questions that had any personal emotions or thoughts. He always found a way to give me just enough to hold on too.
Being a spontaneous person I wanted us to meet as soon as we could. Dee on the other hand was more cautious and practical about this matter. I would day dream about our first meeting. I longed to look into his eyes, see his smile, and feel his lips. To me this was the natural
In my darkest day I often wonder what makes us want to keep living and then the phone rings. In an instant what you thought you knew becomes what you never knew. Those out of the blue moments where you’re life changes, whether the change is for the good or the bad is one reason we keep living. Those unexpected moments that either can make or break you and give you more reasons to ponder the meaning of life, love and the good and bad of the human condition, these are added reasons are why we keep going on in our day to day existence.
The voice on the other end was a woman’s voice, a woman whose voice I did not recognize. The number came up private and I thought it was my daughter because her number comes up that way from school. So I answer “hi sweetie how are you?” The voice says “is this Pat?” I say, “Sorry thought you were my daughter yes this is Pat.” She asks me if we could speak private and woman to woman. I knew at that moment it was Dee’s so called ex-girlfriend Sandy. I am changing her name and the name of Dee’s daughter to protect them. I was on instant massager with Dee at the time and told him that Sandy had just called me on my cell phone and I wanted to know how she got my number. Sandy asked me to keep the conversation private between me and her. I told her to call me at 8 pm that I could talk to her then. Dee stated that someone from his cell phone carrier called and said they needed his sign on information so that they could work on his daughter’s phone which was broken. I told him that they never do that because I have the same carrier. I knew Sandy had devised a plan so that she could get Dee’s cell phone records. Dee asked me not to talk to her because she was delusional and this was not the first time she has done this. I told him I was going to talk to her and he knew he could not stop me. Why should he want to if he was telling me the truth, what did it matter what Sandy had to say to me. Oh but you see it does matter, when there is deceit, lies, and total disrespect for other people and their feelings, yes it really does matter.
I must admit my curiosity was peeked and I could not wait for the call. At 8pm my phone rings and the voice says hello. Again she asks me to keep this private, that she was gathering information and she wanted to surprise her man with it. I said I knew she was Sandy and she said yes I was correct.
I was really not concerned because per Dee, he and Sandy have not been together for a year. He told me how her own family does not want to have anything to do with her. How her sister warned him about her, how she denied her own children to him and passed them off as her niece and nephew. He told me how she lied and tried to control everything in his life. How she lied about him and said he gave her Aids, how she went on a cruise and told him she was going to Dallas to have surgery so he would stay with her kids and his daughter. Lie after lie she told him. He stated that he thought she got pregnant when she knew their relationship was ending so that he would have to stay. He stated that when she moved to the South he felt it was his way out and that he used the excuse of not being able to find a job and that is why he had to stay up North. I listened to all this and wondered how a woman could have so much control over a man. He said she used their daughter as a pawn that she dangled her like a carrot in front of him. If he did not tow the line then he could not even see her even though her support was taken out of his check every month. I could not believe that someone could be this evil and controlling. Then I heard her voice and her story.
Sandy started out by telling me she was not blaming me at all. She stated that this has happened many times over the 10 years her and Dee had been together. She said he had this uncontrollable fetish to be with large white woman. She said he could not help himself. She told me of how unfaithful he was, how he could not hold on to his money and how she help him, she told me how she was the one who found him a roommate so he could afford his rent on his apartment. She told me how he spends his money buying lottery tickets and does not have a dime saved even though he has had a good job for over 10 years. She told me how he just got an eviction notice because he was behind on his rent. I listened and was shocked at what she was saying. I was hearing her voice and trying to understand what she was saying about this man I have been talking to for 3 months, everyday. When I asked her why she would stay with a man who was so bad to her and treated her so wrong? She said she could not explain it and that she was getting counseling. Then she went on to tell me about his relationship with his friend Calvin (name change) and how they spend so much time together. She stated that she believed along with others that they are in a relationship. So I asked her how she got my number and she made up this bogus story about the internet and how you can find out a lot of information and that she found a paper in Dee’s gym bag with my e-mail information on it. Now I know that there are two sides to every story and some truth to most lies. I asked her if when Dee was last down there if they slept together. She said yes they always sleep in the same bed. Now Dee told me he did not sleep with her that he slept in his daughter’s room and his daughter slept with her mother. She told me how this time he was going to buy her a ring and that they were getting married next year or she was moving on for sure. She said they spoke everyday and talked about their future. She told me how Dee and Calvin set up a date with a woman and had a two some with her. Oh the things she told me about this man. But my mind kept going back to her and why she would stay with him. She told me his mother did not like her and when their daughter was born she had to have proof before she would claim her as her granddaughter. Dee told me he asked for proof because he did not trust Sandy. She told me two very dark secrets that I will not even put into print in this story. All the time my mind kept going over mine and Dee’s conversations and trying to piece the puzzle together. I told her that Dee and I have not even met and we were mostly just friends. She said he would soon want to make his move to meet me and then have relations with me and dump me. She told me about the other women she contacted and that they told her what they did with Dee. Each time she was rather proud that she was able to destroy both the woman and Dee’s reputation. I told her thank you for contacting me and I think that she should run from this man. She laughed and stated that was what her counselor told her too. She said more than one told her the same thing. More than one???
After we said our goodbyes, I sat for a few minutes collecting my thoughts. This was amazing. All of this drama and all I ever knew about these people were their voices.
I called Dee and he was very defensive with me at first. I told him to relax that I was not going to rip into him. I told him I know there is some truth in what Sandy told me, but I also believe that there is truth in what he has told me. My issue is do I want to continue being involved in this web of drama? I asked Dee if he had a relationship with Calvin, this got him very upset. I again told him that I was not judging and that he could love both Calvin and Sandy for different reasons. I told him this was something he had to work out with in himself. He never really answered me. I went on to explain to Dee that it seems this woman loves him so very much that she would do anything to keep him in her life. I also asked him if he loved her. He said “I have feelings for her, but I would not call it love.” I asked if he could stay faithful to her if they got married. He said “yes.” I stated that she would work very hard to remove Calvin out of his life. I told him to call her and talk to her. I said maybe they could work together and save heir family. He said he would. We said our goodbyes.
Now you would think that would be the end of the story? In my mind I thought that Dee and I could be friends and talk once in awhile. Now I will share with you the e-mails that went back and forth. I was surprised to find
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