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Motherhood is easier if you’re older

Motherhood is easier if you’re older

Linda de Lange

When Linda de Lange gave birth to her fourth son, one month away from her 48th birthday, the unplanned pregnancy divided her family and friends.

“From some of my female friends, there was immediate hysterical laughter – they would say it was their worst nightmare. Others were very jealous. At that stage in life, the choices are being taken away from you. I became aware that quite a few women I knew had a secret yen for another child,” she says.

But that was nothing compared with the response from her doctor. “My GP said: ‘I’ve never met anyone as old as you who has given birth.’ That was really not helpful,” says Mrs de Lange, laughing now, eight years after Benjamin was born.

There was one more tricky audience to face. She and her husband, Matthew, had to tell their three sons – then aged between 15 and 20 – who were, she says, “pretty disgusted” by the thought of what their parents had been up to.

While pregnancies at such an age remain rare, Mrs de Lange and her family are part of a fast-growing trend. Last week, official figures revealed that rising numbers of conceptions among older women have helped drive the biggest baby boom since 1964. Among the over-forties, the conception rate has more than doubled in two decades, with almost 28,000 such cases in 2010, excluding those that ended in miscarriage.

Behind those statistics lies a complex and emotional picture. Many of the conceptions resulted in children born to couples who feared it was too late, sometimes

Mother donated baby's organs after just 23 minutes together

Mother donated baby's organs after just 23 minutes

Jade Awdry made the decision just 23 minutes after Zachary was born.

Clutching him in her arms, the 33-year-old leaned across to a midwife and asked of there was anything that could be done to help others.

Soon after, Zachary's heart valves were used to save the life of a baby with a genetic heart condition.

The selfless decision came to light after an inquest into baby Zachary's death. A coroner heard that he had needed to be delivered by caesarian section and that his skull had been fractured.

Coroner Peter Bedford however attributed no blame to anyone over the new-born's death, adding that there was no evidence that the management or method of delivery was inappropriate.

On Sunday, Zachary's father Keith Mitchell told how the couple had come to their decision.

"Jade had been holding Zachary for about one or two minutes when she asked a midwife if she could do something to help others," said the 38-year-old.

"She was very generous and donated Zachary's heart valves.

"We received a letter about two weeks ago from the Organ Transplant Team telling us that one of Zachary's valves had been used on a child with a genetic heart condition.

"This saved a child's life, which was the best thing that could have happened in our situation."

Keith, a marketing director, said he was the one who broke the tragic news of Zachary's passing to Jade in what was the hardest thing he has ever had to do.

"To tell Jade after the delivery when she had been waiting for her baby to be wrapped up and brought to her was traumatic," said Keith,

100 Ways To Love Your Husband

Having made it to many reasons, I decided to take a bit of a breather, and post a list that somebody else has made. This one is more proactive: rather than focusing on what your spouse does (or doesn't do) to show love to you, try listing ways that you can love him or her instead.

100 Ways To Love Your Husband

100 WAYS YOU CAN LOVE YOUR HUSBAND HIS WAY! 

  (Author Unknown)

Discuss this list with your husband. Ask him to check the ones most meaningful to him and then arrange them in order of importance to him. Use this list as a basis for learning his views. Your relationship can be greatly strengthened as you use these suggestions.

1. Communicate with him respectfully.

2. Regard him as important and let him know he's important to you.

3. Do everything you can to at least understand his feelings—even when you disagree with him.

4. Be interested in his friends and occasionally give him time with them (if they are trust-worthy men).

5. Ask for his opinion and let him know you value what he says.

 

He Is My Hottie!

Today, at work, one single female friend remarked to another single female co-worker, "There's a real Hottie"! (Cute Guy) I was standing within earshot, and I looked up with a quizzical look on my face. Mary asked me, "Did you see the Hottie?" I still registered a blank face, so she repeated herself. Finally, I asked, "What hottie?" As soon as the word passed my lips, the meaning of the word dawned on me, and I laughed out loud. "Oh Mary," I quipped, "I'm immune to hotties. I never notice them." I joked about having my head in my paperwork, and how focused I stay on my work. Then, I said, "I think my husband is a real "hottie" so I never have to look at any other guys."

He wants to BE with me!

Throughout our marital relationship saga, the dilemma of "Pastor's Day Off" has been a sore topic. Everyone knows that Sundays are not a leisure day for a minister (and his family), but they forget that Saturday is most likely filled with administrative/housekeeping tasks for the pastor in preparation for a busy day of services, not to mention the myriad of church activities that fall to weekends on the calendar, such as weddings. So, if the pastor works all weekend, when does he take a day off?

It was years before DH ever consistently took a regular day off from work. He worked seven days a week! If and when my Dear Hubby ever decided to stay home from the office, it was usually due to extreme physical fatigue or near emotional breakdown, and the mood of the whole day was predictable. Picture the shades drawn, the house quiet, and the poor pastor in bed all day, nursing a monster headache. Fun for the whole family? I think not!

Mondays are the usual choice for busy pastors to be away from the office. Our staff used to take Mondays off together, so they could have more days to stay connected through the week. But I grew to despise Mondays, and finally banished him back to the office. I decided that if he was going to be sick, miserable, and depressed every Monday, he could just as well take it out on those who dished it to him at church, and not punish his family.

Oh, the arguments that surrounded the awful subject of "A Day OFF"--the hurts that were embedded into my heart from his rejection of me! What devastating patterns developed through the years of forming a codependent relationship with a "workaholic" husband!

Unobtrusively, an amazing change transpired, so slowly it was almost inperceptible. DH began to consistently take Thursdays off. It offered a nice mid-week break, far enough away from last Sunday for him to be in a better mood, yet not too close to next Sunday for him to be stressed out.

Without actually intending it, DH began to develop a "day off" routine. Thursdays just happened to be "trash pick-up day" in our neighborhood, so every Thursday morning DH obediently gathered all the garbage, enlisting the help of the kids, and set it out by the curb, on his way to take one or both of the kids to school. (Some mornings, he would give me a break, and drive them both; other days, I took them both, so he could sleep in.)

If I had the day off from work, he would take me out for breakfast, and we would stop by Sam's Club for groceries or run other errands after breakfast. If I worked, he would do the Sam's run himself, and maybe dawdle a bit longer in the books section or the electronics department. Then it was home to make coffee and read the Word. The rest of the day was generally divided into home maintenance projects, bill-paying, web-surfing, and naps.

I was so proud of him: it took a long time, but he finally figured out how to take a day off, and what that looked like to normal people. We even did family things together at night, like walk the dog, ride bikes,

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