My Attempt to Find the Words to Describe What Love

“We must each lead a way of life with self-awareness and compassion, to do as much as we can. Then, whatever happens we will have no regrets.” ~Dalai Lama

I finally decided that I would call my friend. By then, our lunch plans wouldn’t have made any sense since it was getting close to midnight.

She answered and started speaking immediately, “Hey, I lost track of time. I’ve been running a lot of errands today. Oh, did you hear about this new job opportunity I’m getting? No? Let me tell you about it…”

I felt a wave of emotion within me.

This was the third time she had flaked on me this week, and it always ended with me calling her to find out what had happened. I noticed myself looking down at my feet at the end of our conversation, holding the phone in my hand as I said cheerily, “No, it’s totally fine! Don’t worry, I completely understand. I hope you have a good night!”

When I was younger, I would tell people proudly that one of my strong points was that I would never get mad.

“Have I ever been angry?” I would ask, knowing full well my reputation for being mellow. However, as time went on, I began to lose track of what being nice really meant.

When faced with challenges or confrontations with other people, I would automatically act nice, without actually feeling that way. It was as if I was set to automatic, where by habit, I was agreeable. However, on the inside, I felt depressed and anxious whenever someone did something I did not agree with.

Despite feeling sad, I did not give myself an outlet to communicate my opinions, and this finally came to a climax when I was unable to truly voice my thoughts during my four-year relationship.

For me, being agreeable had transformed into something ugly and submissive, where at times I did not recognize myself. During arguments, I would attempt to be accommodating; however, when alone, I was caught up in self-pity and resentment.

Over time, this situation had not changed, and I had made myself feel completely powerless. As I started to think about my day-to-day experiences

Here is a fact for you; all couples fight. In fact, even the couples who are passionately in love, fight fiercely. So no matter how happily married a couple is, bitter fights are always a part of their marital life. The important thing in a relationship is not conflict but how to resolve it. If you have to make a relationship work then you have to learn to solve the conflicts that are there in it.

You must never feel bad about admitting that you have conflicts in your relationship because if you don't then you are probably clones of each other. Here are some prudent and smart ways to solve conflicts in your relationship.

I promised to love, honor and cherish Greta during our wedding ceremony. I promised to have and to hold her until death do us part. One of my favorite things to do is to officiate at weddings, especially if Greta and I have an opportunity to share with the couple in pre-marital counseling. I love to impart the wisdom that I have acquired over the years.

Most couples come in glossy eyed and in love. They ignore all the idiosyncrasies of their beloved because they are “in love.” Sometimes one or the other has a plan to mold the other person into who they want them to be. They are caught up in living happily ever after. They have a very small understanding of what it means to be husband and wife. They have no idea that it is they who will determine the definitions and the quality of their relationship and marriage.

Most couples plan on patterning their marriage on a movie or television marriage they have observed. They have no concept of what it takes to be and stay married. Sometimes they don’t know each other’s favorite colors, what church they attend, how many children they want or how many times a week they would like to have sex. They are also unaware of the many tools available that can aide them in building the marriage of their joint dreams. They come in with expectations of having a happy, successful, and loving marriage. Yet, they have never shared their expectations with each other.

Men and women have needs. They have dreams and expectations. They have unspoken emotional needs that their partner met

Let me start by being completely, um, honest. Every once in a while, we ladies have been known to play a little fast and loose with the truth around you guys. Believe me, we do it with the purest of intentions (really!). And rather than try to change us, your best bet—for keeping your woman happy and your sanity intact—is to simply recognize what’s going on and be smooth about it. With that in mind, here are seven lies we commonly tell men, and how to handle them. Just trust me on this stuff, OK?

1. “Give me your completely honest opinion…”

Now would be a good time to fake a heart attack.

What we really mean: “Tell me what I want to hear.

What to do about it: I know, it’s confusing as hell. We say “seriously,”and “I really want the truth,” but the chances that we actually want the truth are about as good as the chances you want us to tell you that it’s OK, size really doesn’t matter. There are even times when women think we’re prepared for honesty and even then, when it comes out, it just plain sucks. So err on the side of safety (and of grateful-for-the-white-lie affection), and tell me…I’m hotter than that chick, this dress does not make my butt look big, my mom isn’t overbearing at all…and you’ll be golden.

2. “I’m fine. Really.”

Hint: if there are tissues involved, she’s probably not fine.   

I am the king of psyching myself out. And I have an acute fear of success. These two things result in the sabotage of a lot of would-be relationships.

This self-sabotaging is actually very common. The more serious a relationship gets, the more energy and investment you put into it, the more you risk — and fear — failure.

That fear is a defense mechanism.Despite our quest for love, we're scared of itand often try to control our feelings in an effort to minimize the chances of a broken heart.

There are a list of "rules" people use to control love and dating. Here are a few:

The Timing Must Be Right
I used to think I had to be with someone for a certain amount of time — usually six months — before I could agree to a relationship. This may have stunted something that could have been meaningful. It's not possible to control your feelings when it comes to love.

There shouldn't be a time limit or required amount of time. If it's going to happen, it's going to happen whether you like it or not.