Comic Verse And Parodies ©Rhumour

She asked me for a kiss,
I had to tell her no not yet,
for I'm a little shy still,
but please don't get upset.

She asked me for a cuddle,
I said perhaps another day,

I once met old Harry Stottal,
a bricky from down Hackney Marsh.
He didn't much care for tory politics,
so spoke of Maggie in words most harsh.

As far as his philosphy of life went,
we'd no need for any more toffs,
yet they were mostly the folk he built for,
even though their way of life made him cross.

He drove an old van with just one seat,
for the other had got in the way,
when he'd had a load of long timber
to take back to his home one day.

For he'd been building a large extension,
just to use up the bricks that he had,
left over from so many jobs he'd done,
since leaving school when he were a lad.

Just a few miles away in Dalston,
we lived for a while with so few cares.
But we avoided our nearest neighbour,

In times long gone, when we moved way south
I would get into bother as words left my mouth
for in Sheffield we'd say 'Glass' just as it's spelt
but down in London they add an 'r' and so felt

With an affectionate nod to Lewis Carroll,  great source of amusement and inspiration for me in my early childhood.

For Older Technology
Particularly suited to the under 30 somethings  

Many older appliances and everyday gadgets were supplied with little or no guidance as to methods of use and so in order to help techno phobes adapt to the use of pre 1970's items that they may have bought from a car boot sale, I have begun to construct these help files. In the event that you still struggle please take advantage of my offline, one on one assistance, available on subscription via post or pidgeon. Email me for details of this service.

Heating Systems

Ignition switch and temperature control for coal fires.

These devices can still be found working today, mainly in rural areas where the build up of black deposits is less noticeable on the agricultural land than it would be on pavements, windows and washing lines in town and city.

Fundamentals to familiarise yourselves with:

Coal - lumpy black fuel that glows red when hot.

Warning - not recomended for carrying in new longlife shopping bags. Metal buckets designed for carrying these were a mishapen bucket, often termed 'coal scuttle', though why is not certain, since no one has ever witnessed coal scuttling about. Perhaps it only does this at night when it's natural camouflage would render it hard to see.

    A typical Coal Scuttle

Logs - bark on chunks of dead trees, also used as fuel. These will work best when dry to the touch. Also best transported in a bucket or in a box. Sometimes collected from the side of the road when tall lories have broken overhanging branches from the trees. Note you may need to dry these for a few weeks prior to use, and they are often best dragged home to be cut into convenient lengths with a special tool known as a saw.
        Logs